This well respected book is about Chinese history.

R. Viney from Cardiff gave it the following review:

3/5 - A break from the norm.

I very rarely write serious, impassioned, insightful and genuinely critical reviews on amazon, and I’m not about to start now.

This book is really silly.

Ah, the classic ruse.  S/he set us all up for a break from the norm but then switcheroo’d it all up in our faces and totally screwed with our heads.  How silly s/he has made us (me in particular) feel.  

IMDB reviewer supreme, Bollywood_Bonertime, has gifted the world this beautiful review of Coriolanus:

“An awesome movie in Indian cinema, Graphics and robotics are well used without any mistakes. Mr.Fiennes worked really hard to act as Coriolanus, the hero of Rome, we can feel him as a great soldier in his body actions, In his age its really hard to bring the body language.

Fantastic story, a break for Director “Voldemorte” Fiennes, he got a new track, only in the climax court scene, we came to know its a Shankar movie (usually he include court scene in the climax and the court will release the hero from all his crimes) but other than its a most perfect movie in the UK cinema, hats of to Mr.Voldemorte for his hard work…..MUST WATCH MOVIE.”

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

An internet user going by the name of Whatever from a place called Radstock has contributed this review of the John Lewis SBRC016 Mini Rice Cooker, White:

1/5 - Rubbish Product 

The ‘User Guide’ focused on mainly how to wire a plug, even though the product included a wired plug.
There were no recipes.
The scale on the inside of the black pan could just about be made out with the use of a torch; but what were the units?

Now then Whatever.  Your review is rather confusing.  Every other review gives this product 4 or 5 stars.  I bought one myself today and would give it 5 stars.  It is a brilliant piece of kit; simple to use and resulting in perfectly cooked rice.  Every point that Whatever makes in his/her review is rubbish (the one exception being the scale’s visibility being a bit difficult to read, but definitely not impossible).  The user guide is fine, there is no promise of recipes so why should this matter and the units on the scale are perfectly understandable (I assume most people can work out what ‘cup’ and ‘L’ mean WHEN THEY ARE WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING POT ITSELF ABOVE THE SCALE).

So Whatever has given a 1 star review to a product that is clearly a 4/5 star little trooper.  I do hope people ignore this review.

The curse of the huge black panels.

Here we have a 2-star review of The Complete Superted Series 1-3 (DVD) by eevie on Amazon.co.uk:

“The episodes are great as I knew they would be but the quality isnt too great and it sits in the middle of the screen with 2 huge black panels either side, whether its the age of the programme or something else I dont know but it does take quite a bit of the enjoyment away”

2 huge black panels taking quite a bit of the enjoyment away?  No! black panels! 2 of them! Noooooo!

Can someone help eevie enjoy Superted?  Well a reply to eevie’s review may have a solution:

Although forts are irrelevant and I don’t quite know why Stu has mentioned them in his response, I think he may have solved this riddle for the ages.  Well done Stuart B. Shankland.  It was fort-unate that your skills with modern consumer electronics are so fine-tuned.

Above: Stuart B. Shankland enjoying a DVD in his fort.

I am at a loss for any other ideas.  Can you help hetfield86?

Thanks to @Mewtopia for pointing us in the direction of this confused reviewer.

Review of Amici “SO GOOD” by clo 12 November, 2010 - by far the best “Italian restaurant ever! i highly recommend Italian food lovers to go to this restaurant. -amassing food -amassing service -grate place to meet people.”

This review quickly begins to great… I mean grate!

(this piece of rubbs was submitted to us at Rubbish Review Towers by @kenningtim.  Thanks be to Tim.)

There really are some puzzling reviews for pet food out there:

C.Sutherland “sudoku queen” has issues with Algarde Weekend Fish Food Block 3 Day -

“went away for 24 hours, fish do not appear to have touched this. Left in tank, 4 days now and the fish do not appear to go near it. Slowly dissolving…”

1 star.

What happened to the fish?  Did they starve?  Have the blocks completely dissolved yet?  The suspense is unbearable.

Tomric122 “TRS” hates the decadence of Bill Oddie’s Dried Mealworm and Suet Feast Combo for Birds 500g - 

Certainly attracts the birds but it is the equivalent of me going to a Michelin starreed restaurant for dinner.

2 stars.

Now, that claim about a Michelin starreed restaurant is highly debatable.

Finally, Allanstreet hates the idea of Iams Cat Adult Chicken Catfood 300g being tested on animals prior to putting it to market -

This stuff at inception came to the market having been tested on animals. If that is not reason enough not to buy it the Company still keep animals for ongoing tests. I am not naive to think testing is all bad but it is absolutely reprehensible and disgusting that it is used for a pet food. I encourage all animal lovers and pet owners not to buy this product.

1 star.

How Allanstreet expects Iams to know what flavours cats prefer without testing them on animals is beyond me, but I do suppose rubbing them in the eyes of cats and poking their brains in order to judge whether rabbit and chicken works together in a dried cat food is a bit cruel.

A 5 star review for ‘A Simples Life: The Life and Times of Aleksandr Orlov’.

Remember, this is a book about “the life” of a CGI meerkat that promotes a price comparison website.

from Amazon.co.uk

“”After many week, they began to think something was probables wrong”…. 

Tongue firmly in meerkat cheek, this is a lovingly constructed 127 page homage to the life and times of the world’s most famous meerkat. 

It’s filled with familiar and new images of Aleks’ life, written in his mangled mix of Hello-magazine speak and genuine Russian meerkat [sic]. 

It’s as fresh as a just-hatched grub and if it doesn’t make you, your kids and your family smile, you’ve probably had a humour transplant, or you harbour muskrat tendencies. Warning: (page 58): “…never play baccarat with a muskrat.” 

Move over Clarkson, Gok Wan, Blair. Frankly, Aleksandr has just pipped you at the post for the Booker next year. Even the mighty Jamie Oliver is going to have to have bow down before the recipe for millipede goulash. 

I reckon it deserves to sell more copies than the X-Factor winner.”

First things first, ‘D. Lundholm’, you don’t end a sentence with a comma.  Secondly, it is mongooses not “mongeese”.  Thirdly, the Booker is a prize for fiction writing and thus Blair et al’s offerings would not be in the running.

from Amazon.co.uk

“Not a great duster, spent a lot of time hovering the bristles after polishing. Doesn’t look as full or fluffy like the picture.”

Like I always say, if a duster ain’t full, burn it.